This entire year has been a very challenging year. I have spent a lot of time and effort on “regaining my power”. This world has a very terrible way of making us as humans feel less than we are. Many of us are taught at a very young age that being perfect is key to success. You have to look this way. You have to wear this type of clothing. You have to have your hair this way. Use this make up to make yourself look better. As women, especially, it is exceptionally hard. There is a certain beauty standard that many women feel the need to subscribe to. I’ve been doing a lot of self healing work and it all came to head when I made the conscious decision to take this challenge on instagram.
The human body is seriously a beautiful thing. It doesn’t matter if you are tiny, medium, or big. Every body type, every body style, every weight class has its own form of beauty. For years many pieces of art that I’ve done have focused on the human body and its beauty. Sadly though, I have had a really hard time bringing that into my daily life. I have a terrible habit of selling myself short. The phrase “I’m not good enough for that” is an inner conversation I’ve had with myself so many times that it’s just embarassing. Just this past weekend on the ride home from my first vendor event I was having the conversation with our travel buddy about how nervous I was taking this step because I felt that the art I did wasn’t good enough. And all he could say was “Why are you even comparing yourself to those people or even me? I do my shit and I’m good at it. But I could never do what you do and the stuff you do is fucking amazing. Just do you girl.” (Check out his shit on instagram @no_future82)
And I was like fuck yes. Exactly. It was exactly the confidence boost I needed to move forward. Which is exactly what the sensual selfie challenge did for me as well.
Looking back at it, it was nerve racking. I don’t post a lot of selfies. I definitely do not post pictures of myself in the way that I did for this challenge. But doing so was such an amazing healing process. To really step into your body and really and truly just allow yourself to be in it and love it and not judge it. No more “my belly is too big. My boobs are too small. These rolls are gross. This nose is too big.” There are tons of things I’m self conscious about. But honestly whats the point? Why do we do this to ourselves? This life is so short. Why do we hold ourselves back by allowing others and ourselves to make us feel less than we truly are?
I was nervous what other people would think of me since I am married and happily married at that. I was worried people would take the photos and try to use them against me in some way. But looking back a week later it really helped me to step into myself. And the fact I was able to do this challenge with the support of my husband who did not censor me in anyway was even better. When it was all said and done I thanked him for his support… and all he could say was . “I want you to feel as beautiful as I see you everyday.”
Thank you to all of the people who created the beautiful and supportive community for those 5 days. It changed my life in such an amazing way.