As an artist, I spend my life creating things…fixing things… re-purposing old things into something new and awesome. It takes a certain eye to see the potential in things that seem broken or not up to par. I’ve brought some things home my husband thought I was crazy for… until he saw what I turned them into.
I forget that sometimes in order to have the end result your looking for you need to completely destroy…. and sometimes in not so beautiful of a way.
In March my grandmother passed away. It hurt. It still hurts. She was a very important part of my youth. And not just my youth. My life. She helped raise us. She was with us every day. She cooked suppers most of the time. Did the cleaning at the house. She wrapped our Christmas presents. She was Santa. She taught me to sew and to simply love life despite the hardships it brings. She taught me so much. When she passed it was fast and unexpected. And it hurt.
People deal with loss in different ways. My brother submerged himself in work. I started working on art more. I quit smoking. I started working out. I started this blog as a way to cope with the not smoking. It was a very hard and trying time. And I’m surprised my husband stuck by me through the withdrawals. I re-evaluated my life and well, I’m honestly feeling the best I’ve felt in a very long time. Sometimes you need to destroy yourself in order to rebuild yourself into something better.
My grandmother had about 13 acres of land in Shiner, TX next to my parents house. On that land is the old farm house. This October it would have been around for 90 years. When my brother had his first son, him and his girlfriend settled on that property next to the old farm house with the end goal of tearing down the old house and either building on it or moving in a better trailer. We had been working towards this goal for about a year with moving things out, putting stuff into storage, having garage sales. My grandmother wanted to see that house torn down and we were pretty hell bent on making the goal. I’ll never quite understand why. She lived a hard life. Her past was less than perfect. Maybe she felt it was a closing of a chapter and she could move on. Regardless, it was what she wanted. She passed before she got to see it.
This weekend, it finally happened. We demolished it. It was seriously one of the most amazing things. Beautiful in a way. Something that strong. That sturdy. That full of memories. Gone. Completely in 10 minutes. Grandma finally got her wish. My brother is expecting twins in October. Sometimes…. you need to destroy things in order to rebuild them into the way they are supposed to be.
Masons new house should be ready within the month, hopefully before his twins get here. Although one story ended… another beautiful one is about to begin. It’s bittersweet. But I am so proud of my brother and the things he’s done. And I know that my grandmother is looking down and smiling.